when its over..

It started, by starring ang looking with him...
It started by wanting to see him day by day
or once in a while.. till you drop of waiting in nowhere.. Crush ang tawag ko doon at yun ang na fee2l ko. ehehe.. for me it was crush thing, which everybody or kahit sino ay nk2 feel ng gnyang emotions na gusto mo lagi syang naki2ta dahil gusto mo sya for me its not physically but yung mga oras na magkasama kyo at ung time n kayo lang. ang sarap ng feeling ng gnun pero hanggang doon na lang yun eh.
This was my story about falling in love till i got crashed, pero hanggang doon n lng sa word n crush..
I was in highschool years of my life, enjoying with my friends and busy s study sa school. which was one the happiest day of my life during school days,, i gained a lot of friends from different schools when i got enter 1st year high school, since elementary kasi kami pare preho lng mukha yung naki2ta nmin eh kung baga since elementary lang kmi yung mukang mga gusgusin at mag innocent look pa kami nun.. hehe. tpos nung nag highschool n kmi bigla kming dami. dami k bagong classmate..
In the middle of that highschool years meron isang tao na naging katabi ko , nak2usap, k kwentuhan, k-seatmate at k cheatmate.. ehehe.which is known as my crush. .. my longest crush ever in my highschool days. fun 2 be with and mabait... di ko lubos maisip in my yuong mind n mag k2 crush ako sa taong ito n ndi ko nm2layan, kasi everyday kasama mo and i was so afraid n malamn nya kasi bka iba yung maging meaning nya sa friendship nmin, lahat un ay naging secret kasi ayoko masira yung friendship n yun, One of the proved and ndi ko sya n get over when nung nag bakasyon kmi nung 1st year highschool kami is ung n miss ko sya, kaya during vacation tintawagan ko sya kahit mahal phone bill kasi digitel sya ako nmn pldt, kahit napa2galitan ako nun call ko pa rin sya dahil miss ko nga sya.. ewan ko ba! tanga ko nga eh.. kasi crush lang yun tpos may gnun feeling, i was so strange.. ehehe.. di maintindihan pero totally missed him... tpos dumaan n 2 years then 4th year n kmi nun wala p din sya alam,. kasi paano b nmn nya ako magu2stuhan noon i was not that beautiful n tulad ng gusto nya , tpos may niligawan sya noon ang kasamaang palad i was the bridge! ouch! ..oo pero naging ok lng yun sa akin kasi im not serious nmn eh parang feeling ko play lang lahat yun. then nag 4th year kami nun during the time of junior and seniors prom.. feeling pa pretty kahit chubby.. ehehe. syempre di nmn ako panget noh.. i have the feeling na sana ma i dance ako kahit just for fun lng basta sya ang mag sa2yaw sa akin, but then, hanggang doon na lng yun. tpos wala din kasi sa iba din yung focus nya noong panahon n yun at ako naman never ako nag ask ng himala then during that senior years., parang nawala or nag rest for while ung feeling yun kasi sguro pagod lang ako kasi di nmn ako nagp2nsin at ayoko mag pa2nsin kasi di ko gawain un as a person, di ako i2yak sa isang tao just 2 give me love or attention para gustuhin ako. ok lng kahit ndi nya alam ang mahalaga for me is yung friendship lng. kasi khit gnun lng mat2wag kong forever un.. which by now is friends pa rin kmi till now hanggang sa naging down sya sa life nya and nagkaproblem sa girl, ako ung nging karamay nya in a way of giving advice kasi yun lang nmn ung maibibigay ko sa knya kasi malayo sya from me..he's in california at ako and2 sa pinas, di tulad dati seatmate lng,. na pag may problem ghe sabihin mo then give ntin solution, at tsaka ibang level n ito eh, kung nung nag a2ral kmi problema ay sa school world lang. eto more on serious type, parang ang tanda tanda n2min.. hays buhay gnun tlga.. Lahat nmn ng tao dumadaan sa problem lalo now most of my highschool mates ay may mga asawa n din.. for sure dami n ding mga ups and down pero no matter what life. life has 2 move., which yun yung naging isang malaking lesson ko in life, na after all my heartaches and sadness.. Moving On is the only way para maka survive ka in all your problems, which i did a while ago. Im not perfect person marami wrong doings and wrong decission pero need to stand up and correct all.., as an example 2 him. alam ko n dapat gnun din sya in the same way para maayos nya din yun kasi paano sya mak2move on kung puro problema n lng nasa isip nya.., now naging close kmi ulit and feeling ko may nag grow deep within me. naging malapit ako sa kanya and all till sometimes na mi2ss ko and minsan nagse2los ako and all kasi minsan may naba2nggit sya na ndi ko gusto na nangyari s knya in the past.., pero all those things till now is un pa rin ang gusto nya, eh ano b nmn mag2wa na ako im not that available.., and one thing nag stick sa mind ko na sinabi nya over the conference with me and sheila na its to unfair for him na maging kmi kasi sa status ng life ko, tlgang di n tlga pwede..! By that conversation nasabi kong mali na ata na ma feel ko yung ganitong feeling at sa mga nagawa ko for him ay ma mis interpret nya yun,.. which un feeling ko n nar2madaman nya for me. pero ang sabi ko na alng sa kanya is "nothing serious" in my own way tpos n un at ayoko maging part ng gnun.As of now naging confused ako sa gusto kong maramdaman sa kanya, if that is for friendship or love na.. na hur2t ako kasi now lumayo muna ako, till mag decide ako wag na sya fetch sa airport sa pag uwi nya nag give lang ako ng reason pero the truth is walang katotohanan sa sinabi ko ndi pwede yung car nmin, the truth is is masa2ktan lang ako lalo kung sunduin ko pa sya. And alam ko nmn sa sarili ko hanggang doon lang yun, sabihin ko man na mahal ko sya pero di nya ako accept as me,.. lolokohin ko lang sarili ako at mag mukhang tanga. sabi nga ng nanay ko, Bakit mo sya su2nduin kayo ba? syempre sinagot ko hindi kasi wala nmn tlga! pinaasa ko lang sarili ko sa wala dahil wala nmn tlga! as in zero! alam ko hanggang doon lang yun pero hanggat and2 ako i will always be a friend to him no matter what happen. wag lang sya mawala dahil i care for him and till the end of time, there is always a string attached from him in me. Which is friendship..,